Bacon and Dawkins
I
think a lot of creative forces like me (yes I am because I'm writing
a blog, stupid) hope that their dreams will provide a well of
inspiration and ideas. It is hoped that as you sleep the mangled
little wisps of thought that bubble up through the subconscious will
form something substantial that can be harvested as the next great
album or novel or hilarious blog. 99% of the time this doesn't
happen. What does happen is you wake up at 3.46am in a bleary panic,
trying to gently nurture and keep flickering the faint flame of your
Eureka moment as you wait for your laptop to load up. You write it
down as faithfully and articulately as you can and happily drift back
to sleep, safe in the knowledge that all your worries and problems
are over. Within the next six months you'll be laughing at Stephen
Fry’s latest witticism at the BAFTA awards, too full of oysters and
cocaine to think of a response but that doesn't matter because you've
“made it”, and lets face it Stephen the armful
of awards rather speak for themselves, don't they? Too bloody right
they do Stephen!
Ooh yes brother you've eaten your fill of half baked ideas and the shitty, bitter chocolate of rejection over the years but now you've finally found Willy Wonka's golden ticket. It arrived in the post when you were half asleep, c/o your dreams and excellent imagination. This added quirk will probably make up the bulk of the liner notes of your number one album. Notes that you'll probably hand write for a charming personal touch. It will probably cover at least 15 minutes of the Mark Lawson interview. Be sure to thank the fabric softener you used on these old quilts when you talk to Esquire Magazine, because every factor that caused this perfect storm of ideas and genius must be acknowledged. You wonder to yourself if you'd reject the knighthood on ethical grounds. Of course the money won't change you but hopefully the legions of groupies and hangers on don't leave you jaded.
Then morning comes and you re-read your idea and it isn't quite how you remember it. It seems to be mostly verbs. Verbs and incorrectly used Spanish punctuation. It also seems to be the exact plot of Pirates of the Caribbean but with “Jack Sparrow” replaced with your name. Shit. Better phone your boss and take back that resignation text message. Your subconcious is a stupid, lying prick.
This
is what happens 99% of the time. 1% of the time however, something
else happens.
I
spent the other night on a friend's sofa. Very comfortable it was too
and thank you again for letting me stay. However I still had quite a
disjointed night's sleep and some quite surreal dreams. Hearing about
other peoples' dreams is utterly tedious so I wouldn't do this to you
if it wasn't for the fact I had my Eureka moment. A perfect, fully
formed idea for a TV show that is utterly ready to be pitched to a
major network. Probably the BBC but I think HBO would probably give
it more of an “edge”.
It is called The Two Richards (Bacon and Dawkins).
The basic premise involves the scientist Richard Dawkins and the presenter Richard Bacon as a double act who travel the world going on adventures, getting into scrapes and learning from each other.
Already, fucking brilliant.
There'll be laughs, there'll be tragedy and thrills and spills and more learning. Each episode will begin with our two heroes in a studio together (with an upmarket studio audience, made up mostly of young professionals). They'll do a bit of banter and introduce the premise of this week's “Bacon and The Dawkins”. In the dream the banter went word for word like this:
Bacon: Hello Richard.
It is called The Two Richards (Bacon and Dawkins).
The basic premise involves the scientist Richard Dawkins and the presenter Richard Bacon as a double act who travel the world going on adventures, getting into scrapes and learning from each other.
Already, fucking brilliant.
There'll be laughs, there'll be tragedy and thrills and spills and more learning. Each episode will begin with our two heroes in a studio together (with an upmarket studio audience, made up mostly of young professionals). They'll do a bit of banter and introduce the premise of this week's “Bacon and The Dawkins”. In the dream the banter went word for word like this:
Bacon: Hello Richard.
Dawkins:
Hello Richard.
Big audience
laugh
Bacon:
I say Dawkins, what would you say is your favourite thing in the
entire Universe?
Dawkins: Well Bacon that's a very difficult thing to quantify given the numerous variables involved.
Dawkins: Well Bacon that's a very difficult thing to quantify given the numerous variables involved.
Bacon:
Do you know what mine is?
Dawkins:
No?
Bacon:
IT'S BACON!
Massive
audience laugh and lots of cheering as bits of bacon start falling
from the ceiling and lights with the word “bacon” start flashing
all over the stage
Dawkins:
Oh, Richard!
Bacon:
I love Bacon! I love it so much it's in my name! What even is a
Dawkins?! I can't eat that!
At this point the dream got a bit hazy but I think the raw materials for the greatest television show this country has ever produced are very much there. It also serves as a much needed vehicle for two of this nation's most loved, if under used, personalities.
At this point the dream got a bit hazy but I think the raw materials for the greatest television show this country has ever produced are very much there. It also serves as a much needed vehicle for two of this nation's most loved, if under used, personalities.
Now
as I've said it's one of the dullest things hearing about dreams, let
alone reading a blog dedicated to one of them and I'm grateful for
everyone who visits this page and thank you for reading this far Mum.
But sometimes when a miracle happens it becomes more selfish not to
share it with the world. This is one of those situations.
Writing this blog whilst drunk and feeling a bit sad and then not posting would be similar to Alexander Fleming discovering penicillin and not sharing his life saving cure with the rest of the world because he's worried someone will go, “ooh it's a bit self indulgent this discovery.”
Imagine if we'd never had the light bulb because Thomas Edison was a bit worried that people would think it wasn't as good as his first invention about 50 Shades of Grey?
Or the man or woman who invents the cure for cancer keeps it under their hat because not enough people viewed or commented on her last cure?
This blog may have become the charting of a mental breakdown.
